From one cat lover to the another.
Snow dear, i share your pain and your loss for mimi.
I know how much you loved her.
I cannot imagine if the same thing were to happen to Ruski.
And i only had him for a year while mimi had been with you for so long.
I still remember her whenever i visit last time, back in Uni.
She was beautiful and such a character.
She picks her owner and she made the right choice.
I couldnt think of anyone else who could have given her such a caring home for the past 8 years.
I am sorry that other people could not have been kinder, more humane.
It was a needless loss.
*hugz* I am sorry i couldnt be here for you...
Please cheer up dear...

Was at Tioman for the last 3 days.
Went with quite low expectations since i wanted to go to bintan originally.
Beside, the resort didn't look that impressive in the first place.
It turned out to be really good.
We had our own private little condo like place with 2 bedrooms, a living room, some kitchenette, bathroom, and balcony facing the sea.
Though a little far from the rest of the spawling resort, there was a pretty efficient shuttle service to the main resort.
Snorkelling was great. Better than rawa last year as there were more selections of places to snorkel.
From the shallow reefs to deep underwater outcrop of rocks encrusted with corals and the many different variety of marine life.
Waters alternate between azure blue and emerald green.
Its crystal clear. I could see almost 20feet down without problems.
Quite alot of varied entertainment at the resort too.
KTV, night fishing, pool, disco, lounging at the beach bar, walking down the beach looking at a night sky full of stars.
The only problem is the long journey to and fro. Simply too exhausting.
2 1/2 hours coach to Mersing, 3 hours ferry to Tioman.
Next time i am going to take the direct ferry.

Watched The Time Machine today.
Was a major disappointment of a book adaptation.
I think i rather watch I not Stupid again.

Guy Pearce was not believable as prof alexander. Perhaps it was a miscasting.
Casting of the film was bad.
Jeremy Irons was a hoot being in the film for a mere 15minutes.
H.G Wells would roll in his grave.

On a more positive note,
the machine does look more or less like how i imagined it to be.
All the right materials and style for the era, except maybe for the perspex like material for the shield-like device. Or was it glass?

I must have a terrible memory.
I frequently forget things that i have in my hand.
And i almost never can remember if i have locked my car doors.
8 out of 10 times it would have been locked, but i would still not be sure.
Someone has hypothesized that it could be due to the fact that i don't remember things that are of no value to me.

However, my theory is i have a terrible short term memory.
I can remember things happening way back in the past.
Even down to the smallest details.
Trivia answers to obscure questions.
The telephone number of my house in malaysia where i lived when i was 6.

Perhaps i am just careless.
But would a careless person be so aware of being forgetful
that she will ask herself if the car door was lock barely 10 step away from the car?
Friends are getting used to me running back for the car each time.
Thing is, while mental pictures pop up readily in my head from my long term store in the brain,
i just cannot picture what had happened 10 seconds before for SOME things.
No matter how hard i try, the best i could do is constantly remind myself to check if i was holding my wallet/phone/pouch or to check if the door is locked, 10 seconds after.

A sense of deja vu is opening my bag to take out my money pouch to pay for movie tickets and realizing that it is not there.

There is a certain kick of looking for yourself in a haystack.
I went to yahoo.com and did a search for aurorin.
Wow. There is me, in various form.
And how surprising it was to find some of the things i was associated with right there, where i had forgotten it.

For example...

I guess i was young once too. So young that it is almost embarrasing now to look back at it.
Well... Almost. :)

A sense of deja vu?

A sense of deja vu

Silly me. I forgot my wallet (aka card holder) today and only realized it just when i was about to pay for sushi.
For all that knows me, my card holder is where i slash my cash and i have a sort of miscellanous pouch for all other purposes (e.g. coins, keys, clips, fone etc). The pouch is always in my carrier bag but for some reason today, i neglected to bring out my all important card holder with all my cash and atm card, visa etc. Luckily for me, yesterday a couple of friends returned me some money for some movie tickets which i dumped into the pouch for convenience and this morning the school clerk gave me back around 20bux of petty cash for some stuff i bought for school. So when i bought the movie ticket and the book ($5), i took from the pouch since it had these spare change. When i finished my sushi dinner, and was digging through my bag for my card holder for my atm card, i realized all the money i had on me is all in the pouch. Thankfully, after the movie tix and book i still managed to have around 20 odd dollars. I was frantically praying that it would be enough for dinner as i hoped i did not have to call any friend to bail me out of an embarrasing situation (either that i would have to wash plates) just 10 minutes before my movie. Thanking my lucky stars, what i had was just about enough for the dinner (with 2 bux left over for the parking tix later).

I was thanking my lucky stars (all 7 of them) when i was stepping into the theater when i suddenly remembered: Emergency Cash. As a policy, i have always "hidden" some money away in some corner of the bag for emergency. And lo and behold, there was a 50 dollar note tuck safely in a little pocket in my bag. Man, that really reaffirms my habit of emergency cash. Certainly horrible to be stranded outside with no money and had to call for help. Now, if only i can remember i had some cash slashed away when i have an emergency.

Alright, another day where i just took off to catch a movie alone. I think i should have this regularly. My own movie alone day. But sad to say, it is really just an excuse to have sushi on my own. In any case, it was fun. Bought a discounted book from book fair *gasp* but the first 10 pages did not bore me so i am quite optimistic. It is Derek Jarman's Smiling In Slow Motion. A collection of diaries written by a gay artist cum film maker. I have not heard of him nor was there any introduction prologue in the book. I gleaned as much from browsing. He has a certain caustic tone common to sharp witted brit or perhaps i am just prejudice, artist, which made reading interesting. But certain phrases caught my eye. And for a moment i wish i could write like that. A certain flair for words.

The movie. Ah. Caught I Not Stupid. I once declared, i can't remember to who, that i would not watch that movie. Looks like i am eating my words now. Remind me not to make big declarations next time. In any case, it was everything i imagined it to be and then some. In short, a storyline woven to fit in as much social critique as Jack Neo could managed. It is, how should i say it, subtly obvious. If there is an oxymoron, this would be it. I can't decide if he is trying to be clever by creating such subtle metaphors (i.e. all white mom = PAP) or was all along trying to be obvious. In the end, it was a collection of pretty smart remarks that is totally in synch with the rest of Singapore. It is difficult not to be charmed by such a movie because it is declaring in bold cinematic style, what everyone (well almost everyone) in everyday singapore is thinking. Very Jack Neo indeed. To give him credit, it is much better than his past movies like Money No Enough, very singaporean, the plot tugs at everyone heartstring (i.e. adorable children in the system that everyone is familiar with), relatively smooth delivery and common jokes/slang, cleverly put together into a movie. So what on earth am i complaining about? Perhaps i am just too demanding in my taste for movies. It is an adequate (perhaps even clever) piece of social commentary. But alas, not much of a movie for me personally. Still, i had an enjoyable enough evening and i certainly did not mind spending that 6.50 on the movie ticket.

Watched Waterboys with snow, babes and alan today.
A pretty funny jap movies and i must say their sychronize swimming routine was much more fun than those we used to have to do in secondary school.
Looking at them practicing all those moves had a sense of familiarity but darn, they looked like they are having so much fun than we did last time.

SO just bought a pricey DV cam a while ago. It took him a long long while to finally decide to buy it after weighing all the pros and cos of individual models, the prices, his financial statues and going down to mustafa on numerous occasions just to look at the different models avaliable. And of cos, when he finally decided to fork out the money to buy it, there were some regrets as to whether he spent too much and perhaps should have made do with a cheaper but less "powerful" tool. You could almost hear his brain creaking trying to convince himself that it was all worth it. It is funny looking at him agonizing over it and the word COMMITTMENT becomes almost palpable. After all, if when you spend so much money buying a DV cam, you darn well better commit yourself to make something out from it. And there would be no more excuses of not making films because he doesn't have the right equipment. Guess, there is no way out and i will be looking forward to his new shorts soon. :)

Of cos, on a side note, it would almost be a riot to watch how he deals with committment in the other sense, golden arches and whatnots later on in life after witnessing his intricate thought processes in this instance.

And no dear, it is NOT a hint. :)

One of the recent pix of Ruski that i liked...

Ruski's New Look

Wonders of trick photography.
See how they make Ruski look so thin!

A strange and unnerving poem which is interestingly familiar.

Ultimately we can all be reduced to a mere statistic.

A sudden remembrance of a poem:

The Unknown Citizen

(To JS/07/M/378
This Marble Monument
Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the moden sense of an old-fashioned word, he
was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater
Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in
every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully
insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in hospital but left
it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment
Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of the year,
When there was peace, he was for peace; when there was
war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the
population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent
of his generation,
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their
education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

By W. H. Auden

Watched A Beautiful Mind today.
Jennifier Connelly was beautiful.
Can't say the same for Russell Crowe.
Like SO said, "even when she was suppose to be so sad and anxious, she looked so sexy"

Have an urge to find out more on John Nash now.
What an intriging life and experience.

Today got some tickets for the filmfest.

1)HK animation
2)seafood
3)little otik
4)japanese devils
5)annecy animation festival
6)hotel

Wanted to buy somemore. But wallet hurts already.

Trying to call up london about an overdraft (long story)
but got bounce to and fro.
think they lost my account somewhere.
It is sort of bizzare actually.
After all, its only 10pounds.
Even the people in the bank thought i was crazy trying to pay it.

Oh nevermind.

I told a friend a while ago that i only buy books that i have read before and liked.
Because, i will only keep books that have some "re-reading" value.
Hence, you will seldom see me buying new book off the shelf unless it comes with strong recommandations.
In the meantime, i will check things out in the library or borrow from friends.
Or read them in the bookstore.
If i liked it, i will buy it.
Guess i am a re-read-buyer sorta person.

Bought two Asterix and Obelix compilation comix for my own birthday present.
A little frivolous, but then its what i want and its what i like.
Actually i have finished reading all these comics before. Long long time ago.
I guess it is with a sense of nostalgia that i bought them since i had always wanted to keep them when i was young but could never afford to. Now that i am working, i realized that i am spending more and more money buying things that i had wanted before in my youth which i did not have a chance to have. These things are mainly books, since those are things that i ever really wanted to have in the first place. So it is not surprising that i am mainly buying children books that i had read time and time before.

Few books on my to buy list:

Classic Alice in wonderland with the original illustrations
Dr seuss collection
The tales of Narnia
Some books from Enid Blyton like Wishing chair and the Faraway tree
Wind in the willows
All the books from Shel Silverstein
etc

It looks like i am starting a children's library but then these are friends that grew up with me when i was really young so i would like to have them all nicely on my shelves finally i guess. Sort of a fulfilment of a childhood dream.

Looking around for interesting films from film fest to catch.
Probably try to catch some anime.

Thanks to gpa, kev and babes for the nice getaway to JB.
(yes gpa, thats wot i got from you)
A nice 5 stars pan pac hotel where babes and me got to order in room service and basically just relaxed for two days.
So we did nothing but eat and sleep and basically chilled out.
It was nice to sit around and do nothing but i figured not everyone liked that.
I do though.
Anyway, we ended the whole thing with a seafood dinner with SO, exo and akane who joined us the next day.
Ahhh... even though it wasn't exactly bintan, but hey, this is the first time i get to order in room service.
So thank you all. *beams*

Been trying to plan a trip in my head to spain.
Just a trip by myself.
Right now i have to consider the timing, the finances and holiday work schedule.
I wish i could just drop and go.
But i guess that is not reality.
Somehow, i hope the more i plan, the closer i am at materializing it.
Time! I need some time!

Nephews enjoyed Jimmy Neutron.
I was too busy trying to answer their rapid questions to really enjoy to show though.

Funny things my nephew said:
him:"How come this one (my gorillaz cd) have asiaworks tv (i think he meant MTVasia awards) logo? who is this?"
me: "its called gorillaz"
him:"you mean the one in the zoo can sing also?"

I like being around my nephews. They can make me laugh without even trying. Somehow everything seems less complicated around them. Every little observations they make, every remarks, makes the reality i shared with them much more interesting and light-hearted.

I held their hands, thinking to protect them, but they ended leading me to places i have never seen.

A short rhyme, dedicated to an old buddie:

Dimsum.
Yum.

It's my nephew's seventh birthday today and his parents invited his friends/relatives to pasir ris park for a picnic. It was very windy but the weather was wonderful, with clear blue skies and sunshine. There was lots of food and party things but i was too lethagic to do much. Spent most of my time lying on the poncho staring at the palm leaves and enjoyed the breeze while pretending i am relaxing at a resort somewhere. Pasir ris park was quite nice. There was lotsa families there with pitched tents and bbqs. We rented some bikes and cycled around, looking at the mangrove swamp and the different wildlife such as kingfishers. I haven't bought a present for my nephew yet. At first i was thinking of taking him and the rest of his cousins to disney on ice. But in the end they asked to watch Jimmy neutron instead. As one kid said "disney is boring". So Jimmy it is. I shall be looking at the tickets tomorrow and trying to gather the little ones off for a movie outing.

My cat does a belly flop
everytime i speak to it "firmly".

Watch Ice Age last night.
Quite funny.
Especially Scrat.
And that was the fastest talking-moving sloth i have ever seen.
Must have evolved a great deal since then.
I think my nephews and nieces will enjoy it.

Thank you babes for the lovely pasta dinner.
You really shouldn't have fought with me over it though you know?
And I thought it would have been nice if i bought you dinner to cheer you up.

Yesterday was a good day.
Collegues got me a cake for belated bday.
Some kids from my social and communication group asked if i was better from my illness.
They noticed that i was gone and knew that i was sick.
It felt good becos' alot of our kids are so unaware of others.
Had a treat of sushi dinner from serene, my speech therapist collegue who joined RC the same day as me, except she is in MDSS and i am in BSS.
We are pretty good friends, attending dance class together till she hurt her back recently.
Then we went for drinks at borders and talked about stuff.
SO turned up and the conversation turned to teaching in special ed schools and mainstream schools.
SO told us about a kid from his school that sounded quite suspiciously to fit into the spectrum.
Bugging him to talk to the form teacher to try get some help, perhaps get the educational psych from MOE on the case.
Hate to see kids just labelled as discipline case when they are obviously not being helped.
Seems like the kid do okie for school but just have a habit of walking round and round the school.
He was punished and yet have no idea why he was being punished.
It sounded like most have given up on him.
Sad.
But i guess SO is right to say that sometimes it is difficult for people to do anything.
It is just so infuriating.
Went to watch The Shipping News later.
Didn't think In the Bedroom kinda heavy drama is suitable for two tired people at 9.45pm after a hard day's work.
Turns out okie.
Though Kevin Spacey was forgetable in the role.
The little girl was pretty good though.

Back to work after all that MCs.
Feeling extremely tired and nose still blocked.
But at last had some time to catch up on my work
and finished making a book for tomorrow's TEACCH coregroup meeting.
Going to try out the book on my ET child tomorrow morning to see how it works out.

Met up with snow, dave, kev and babes on sunday for tea.
The food was so-so but company was great.
Its nice to catch up with friends and share gossips.
Thanks for tea! *smiles*

I would like to have Amelie's and Spirited away vcd.
Love the soundtrack and whimsical-ness (?) of Amelie.
Am a sucker for fairytales.

Bandit was rather good.
The final heist was brilliant.

Last night i expounded a whole warped theory about attractiveness, intrinsic and extraneous variables on decision making for relationships on a darwinian plane and something about standard measurements.

I thought i was on to something.
Pity, i've forgotten much of what was said after i took my medication and fell asleep.

A friend asked if i am ever worried that i might just fucked up my life.

Oh ya. Constantly.
I tried, consciously and unconsciouly, to remain a safe little human statistic amidst this whirlpool
just so i may minimize, to put it simply, "fucking up my life".
But there are days when some anti-establishment little demon will turn around and ask
"Just what the heck are you afraid of?"
Well, sir, i am afraid i will screw up my life, my future, my possibility of having security, disappointing my parents and all that the rest of society aspired for me.
Caught between preserving my what little balance i have found and throwing myself to free-fall in body and mind,
i think i will just hang here a while and enjoy the tension of indecision.

Alegria was mavellous.
My jaws were strained cos' they spent most of the evening hanging down.

Thanks for the birthday present.
x

declog?
unclog?
like a drain? pipe?

Basically i wish for the same thing year after year on my birthday.
Not that it ever came true.
But still, i better not jinx it by revealing it to everyone else.
So here it goes again...

On a frivolous note, i do wish that my nose will declog soon.

Thanks to all that remembered...
*sniff* *sniff*

26 and counting.
Oh to be 20 again.